Disclaimer: I, Camille Bauer, Mr. Lundsten, Desktop Publishing, and MVL do not endorse or encourage students to drop out of their classes. In case you haven't realized yet, this is a satirical article and is not to be taken seriously. Proceed with caution if you do not understand sarcasm and/or humor.
Have you ever wanted to fail miserably in math class, drop out of history, or flunk English? Follow these ten, easy steps and you’ll never pass a class again! Impress your classmates with the lowest grades they’ve ever seen!
Warning: your teachers will be very upset if you continue to follow these steps, but if you don’t want to pass your classes, you should follow these steps for every class you have.
1: Before every school day, be sure to stay up late so that you can easily complete step two.
2: Sleep during class (bring a pillow). If your teacher yells at you for bringing a pillow, use a sweatshirt or hoodie instead. If all else fails, use your backpack.
3: Doodle in class if you can’t sleep, and never ask questions in class. Never participate in class if you fail to fall asleep. Participation and engagement in class typically lead to success.
4: Avoid turning in assignments. Late work can easily lead you to failing a class.
5: Find a friend who has the same class as you.
6: Copy notes from this friend (because you were sleeping in class).
7: Copy homework solutions from the friend.
8: As soon as you get home, lose your homework, lose your notes, lose your classwork, lose your textbook, and lose anything else your teacher gave you. Here are some recommendations that will help you lose these objects:
- Owning a pet
- Owning a small child
- Taking your school work to the bathroom
- Taking your school work to a pool
- Feeding your school work to a wild animal
